Faux Progressive Awakening, or, Times is Hard, Sir... Times is Hard

So, for those that don't know me, I'm a vegetarian. Long story about why, and it doesn't matter. I don't have any sort of affinity towards our bovine or pork friends... my car seats are leather, and my couch is suede. I am not a member of PETA, though I support their ability to do what they do (though they may be a smidge radical). I grew up on a dairy and beef farm (with a few pigs on the side). I just have a huge veggie fetish. It's true, and I fly my veggie pride flag high.

In anycase, as a result, I take vitamins to make sure I'm getting all my daily whatevers. The place I order from threw in a free progressive awakening CD. Something quite scientific, in fact, or so the CD may lead me to believe.

Apparently based on octavinal scales and the Fibonacci number sequence, an initial melodic tone is supposed to key your brain to slowly draw itself out of REM sleep, and over the next 6-8 minutes the tone and octavinal intervals should awaken you progressively, versus jarring you out of sleep.

Now I am used to the jarring. Whether it be the demon spawn that is the Burlington northern conductors, or my obnoxious alarm clock, it's an all out psychological battle every time I try to wake up. So, I thought, what the hell, I'll give it a try.

Yesterday, my first attempt at Progressive Awakening, was a no go. For some reason, my brain had me up by 7. Never made it to the alarm. Strike One.

I should side note here: There are six tracks you can chose from. One in the key of C, one in the key of G, one in the key of E flt, one that has "rock underscoring" and than one called "Children's Sunrise". Allow me to spout a bit about Children's Sunrise. Underscored with what appears to be carnival and playground noises, the track features intermittent, octavinal children's laughs. If this doesn't describe it enough, picture the first Freddy Kruger, or any Steven King movie. Creepy is not even on the short list of adjectives.

So this morning, the initial melody from track one hits. I wake up immediately and throw a pillow at the CD Player. I fall back asleep. This continues until at some point, having shifted back into some sort of delta or REM sleep, I began to dream. Apparently, the CD continues on after track one is complete, and, as you can probably guess, my delta sleep coincided with the playing of track six. Welcome to Children's Sunrise. Only in this version, there was indeed a pennywise the clown, and very little laughter. Strike Two.

I will give it another go tomorrow. I believe in truly testing things out before I ship them away from me. In the meantime, pass me a bottle of ibeprofun and a glass of scotch. It's time to begin my day.

Peace::Ben::Team Culture Pulse